Hey, it’s me! Frito! Crunchy, salty, and delicious. Excited to be eaten by you! Really been looking forward to connecting. Hey — wait — HEY, WAIT! You forgot me! Wait! Come back! Someone’s gonna step on me!
Hey, it’s Frito. I’ve been on the stairs for a little while now. Was assuming you’d be by after you finished your errands, but here you are, done with your errands. And I’m still here. Just wanted to shoot you a quick reminder in case you missed my last message!
It’s Frito. Again. Hoping you’ll get this message. I’ve seen you a couple times since the droppage of last month. Frankly, I found it a little rude that you just blew right past me the way you did. While I wouldn’t call us friends, I’d think this one-sided correspondence would at least land us in acquaintance territory. And here in Acquaintance Territory, we say hello to those we drop. Anyway, hope you see this. Looking forward to your response.
Once again, it’s Frito. Please let me know if you’re getting these. Just wanted to make it known that I am still on the floor. Third step up. Just by the banister but not quite under it. While the vantage point is quite nice, and the view of your foyer and half your living room is to die for, the floor is not exactly the best place for a Frito. We were not bred to be floor-dwellers. This is a fact of which I’m sure you’re aware. Hope to hear from you soon. Go ahead and get back to me whenever you get a moment.
Hey, it’s me again. Frito. Hopefully I’m not clogging your inbox. Are these going to your spam folder by any chance? Since it’s the two-month anniversary of what I’ve since deemed the Great Droppage, I thought I’d try my luck at sending another reminder. Hope I’m not being a bother. My location hasn’t changed since my last email. Still on the third step up. Once again, go ahead and respond whenever you get time. Looking forward to your response.
Hello. It’s me again. Frito on the stairs. Good to see you again. Since five minutes ago. When you walked right past me. And didn’t pick me up. Listen, I didn’t come here to pick a fight. But it’s been three months. Shorter wars have been fought. If you don’t want to grab me off the hardwood (which is extremely nice, by the way, I salute you on your maintenance skills, very well polished and the grain is marvelous, if a bit dusty), I understand, but I’d appreciate some kind of note or response.
Hey. Frito here. This is hard to say, and frankly I’m not sure how to say it. But…I saw you last night. With the Cheetos. And while I’m not upset — frankly, I don’t really feel much of anything — I feel it’s common courtesy to tell me that we were picking up other people. Chips. Whatever. Anyway, I’ll see you later. Or not. I hope you and the Big C are very happy together. Peace.